Evil Consequences of a Pessimsitic Outlook: What Should I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Sulma Badrudduja

Question: A lot of times, I am very pessimistic about my life and I end up saying destructive things I don’t mean and I begin cussing. How do you advise I stop?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I hope this email reaches you in the best of health and states. Thank you for your very important question.

There are two different issues that seem to be at hand in the situation you described. First, there are feelings of pessimism, and second, there are the resulting inappropriate words.

A believer who feels pessimistic should remember the amazing blessing of belief and all of the glad tidings that Allah has given the believers. And he should remember the words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace), “How amazing is the matter of the believer! All of his matter is good, and this is not for anyone except the believer. If ease comes his way, he is thankful, so it is good for him. And if hard times hit him, he is patient, so it is good for him.” [Muslim]. The believer must have hope and a good opinion of Allah in what He has destined for him. Despair is not an option, as Allah says, “And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except the for those astray?” [Al-Hijr: 56]

The second issue of speaking inappropriately is a matter of self-restraint. Holding oneself back when one has the urge to say something harmful or distasteful is a trait that is acquired with practice. One should work on it until they reach the point where they are able to consider what they say before it slips out. The scholars mention that a practical way of going about this is to determine to stop the blameworthy act, watch over oneself carefully, and if one slips and does the act, then one makes sincere repentance and takes oneself to account for it. This is a process that takes consistent effort. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Forbearance is only attained by attempting to be forbearing.” Lastly, one should study the numerous teachings of the Prophet in which he speaks of the grave matter of the tongue and protecting it from blameworthy speech. Of these is his saying, “A believer is not a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.” [Ahmad, Musnad; Tirmidhi, Sunan]

May Allah grant you and us success.

wassalam,
Sulma

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani