Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I understand that I have to be kind and pray for my husband and that I am not responsible for him. But should I tell him that he is late with the prayer or to get up for fajr etc? Or shall I let go and let him get on with his own path without saying anything?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. The foundation of a successful Islamic marriage is one of sincere concern for one another. How this manifests, however, requires compassion and wisdom.
It sounds like you and your husband are on different pages of spiritual practice. Until he catches up, I suggest that you use wisdom in advising him, while leading by example.
How to advise him
Nobody likes to be nagged. Gentle encouragement, on the other hand, may help. Assess your husband’s behaviour. Ask yourself what led to him missing his prayers. Did he used to pray regularly? Are there any stressful changes in his life? Who are his closest friends, and are they practising Muslims? Enrol in The Successful Islamic Marriage when it opens up in December, and learn better strategies on how to address this issue.
Never underestimate the power of sincere dua. Only Allah Most High can turn your husband’s heart in obedience to Him, so wake up in the last third of the night and beg Him to guide your husband.
Remember to look after yourself during this time. When you notice yourself getting frustrated with your husband, go for a walk. Exercise. Make dhikr to ground yourself.
Nurture your marriage
Work on building happy memories with your husband, so his heart will incline towards you and the good which you are doing. It’s easier for you to be a positive influence on your husband if he already loves and respects you. Continue to bring barakah and light into your home through your own prayer, fasting, dua, recitation of Qur’an, and so on. InshaAllah, it is only a matter of time before your husband’s heart will be touched by the light you bring into his home.
May Allah reward you for your deep concern for your husband, and may He reunite you both in Jannahtul Firdous.
Please refer to the following links:
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.