Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I’ve lived as an abused woman under an abusive man. He used the power given to him by Allah to make my life hell. I was told by people of knowledge to have patience and tolerate him as he is my ticket to heaven.
The small part of me that wants my faith back is the one that misses that connection I had with God.I miss knowing who I am and where I belong. Right now I’ve no clue. Can you help me have my faith back?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay.
Dear sister, I am so sorry for the pain you have endured. Your longing for Allah is a sign of His longing for you.
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Allah Most High does not condone any form of abuse or oppression towards women. The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) showed mercy even to inanimate objects, let alone his own wives and children. Whenever you are in doubt about what Allah commands, look to the example of our merciful Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace). His wives (may Allah be pleased with them all) were strong, brilliant and compassionate women. Our Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) had the perfection and strength of character to be the best kind of husband for his incredible wives.
Narrated Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” [Bukhari]
Men who intimidate their wives are weak and fearful. These are not men who follow in the footsteps of Our Beloved Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace). True strength lies in restraining one’s anger, and choosing to resolve conflict within the compassionate guidelines of the Shari’ah. A successful Islamic marriage is built upon the bedrock of sincere concern for one’s spouse.
We live in very troubled times. Ignorant Muslims use Islam as an excuse to perpetrate atrocities, both within their homes, and in the public eye. This is all the more reason for you to seek authentic knowledge, so you can see for yourself what it is that Allah asks from His creation.
I urge you to take things one step at a time. Please nourish your relationship with Allah, first and foremost. Reflect on how He nourished and sustained you while you were in your mother’s womb. Begin with the intention to renew your relationship with Allah, and beg Him for guidance. Make your repentance. Commit to establishing your daily prayers, and make a schedule to pay back any you have missed.
Please connect yourself to life-giving knowledge, taught at the hands of scholars. Registration has opened, and I urge you to start with one course at SeekersHub. Get to know Allah through course The 99 Names: Allah’s Beautiful Names Explained (Part 1). Fall in love again with Allah.
Your relationship with Him is the most important relationship you will ever have in your life. Set that straight, and inshaAllah, the rest of your life with fall into place.
Please recite this beautiful dua every day, after every prayer, with the intention of strengthening your faith.
Shahr ibn Hawshab (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “I said to Umm Salama, ‘O Mother of the believers! What was the most frequent supplication of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) when he was with you?’ She said, “His most frequent supplication was, ‘O Turner of the hearts, make my heart firm in Your deen!’” [Tirmidhi]
يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك
Ya muqallibal-qulubi, thabbit qalbi ‘ala deenika
Dear sister, please give Islam another chance. Don’t allow the cruelty of creation to sever you from the Mercy of your Creator.
Let Allah Most High back into your heart. He alone knows how much you have suffered, and He alone can soothe your troubled heart. Intimacy thrives in darkness and seclusion, so set aside the last third of the night to cry unto your Merciful Lord. Perform the Prayer of Need, and ask Allah to return the sweetness of faith to your heart.
Please keep in touch. Remember that you matter deeply to Allah. I pray that Allah blesses you with a sound heart which overflows out of love for Him.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.