Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah
Question: Assalamu alaykum
My parents are forcefully prioritizing the prestige/status of every suitor. Any suitors whom I bring up are spoken about in my home with disrespect. I can’t pray anymore without feeling deeply afraid of my fate. Even stepping on the prayer mat frightens me. I feel relieved when I skip prayers. What can I do?
Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam, thank you for reaching out to us. I pray Allah makes things easy for you.
While your situation is difficult, it is important that you separate your family relationships and your individual relationship with God. Your parent’s attitudes or actions are not reflective of the religion, and neglecting your religious obligations will only make the matter worse for you.
Rather than turning away from God, please turn towards Him and put your case to Him with sincerity and neediness. While our words here, or the words of any other person, may be of some help to you, ultimately, everything returns to Allah Most High and all your needs can only be achieved through him.
Allah Most High tells us, ‘Allah is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness He will lead them forth into light.’ [2:257].
If you turn away from Allah and abandon your prayers, it’s unlikely it will change your parent’s decisions and attitudes in anyway. Instead you will just accumulate a list of prayers to make up and feel worse off.
Turning away from Allah and abandoning your worship to him is a sure indication that Satan is at work and wants to lead you down the dark road to despair. This is a test and abandoning prayers is only going to give into Satan’s plan. Neglecting prayers makes one remote to God and further from His Mercy and Aid, while holding fast to the prayer is an indication of your strength of faith and trust in Him.
In reality, life is bigger than what you are perceiving it to be right now. A hadith of the Prophet ﷺ is always useful to remember when in difficult situations, which explains not only how to perceive events in life, but where our hopes should lie. I hope will be of benefit to you here. The hadith says,
Abdullah bin Abbas said, ‘One day I was behind the Prophet ﷺ [riding on the same mount] and he said, “O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allah [alone]; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allah [alone]. And know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”
Take comfort in turning to Allah alone and insha’Allah you’ll find peace in your heart.
You may find the following supplications useful to recite after each prayer.
اللّهُـمَّ رَحْمَتَـكَ أَرْجـوفَلا تَكِلـني إِلى نَفْـسي طَـرْفَةَ عَـيْن، وَأَصْلِـحْ لي شَأْنـي كُلَّـه لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أنْـت
O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for the blinking of an eye (i.e. a moment). Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship but You. [Abu Dawud]
It is reported that Asma’ bint ‘Umays (may Allah be pleased with her) said, ‘The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said to me, “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed?
اللهُ اللهُ رَبِّ لا أُشْـرِكُ بِهِ شَيْـئاً
Allah, Allah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him [Abu Dawud]
While we must turn to Allah for all our needs and hopes, we must nevertheless take the steps to get what we need and avoid difficult situations.
Try to find someone who can act as a mediator. Is there any understanding family friend or relative who can intercede for you and talk to your parents?
Is there any way you can communicate to your parents your concerns without getting into an argument? Perhaps writing a letter to them may be an option?
Pray the prayer of need (Hajar) and make supplication in abundance.
Please also see the following answers:
I sincerely wish you all the best, that Allah keeps you firm in your practice, and grants you every happiness.
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah
Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.