Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
What should I do, as a Muslim husband, after my wife has admitted to having an affair with someone on a single occasion? How should I deal with it?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Dear questioner, I am sorry for the anger, hurt and devastation you may be feeling about your wife’s affair.
I cannot tell you how to deal with this great tribulation. This will depend on you, the current state of your marriage, and how you wish to move forward.
What I suggest is for you to make space for feelings of anger, grief, loss, and whatever else rises within you. Suppressing these feelings will only hurt you, in the long-run. Do what you need to do to grieve – without lashing out at your wife – and work on letting these strong feelings go.
It may be very beneficial for you and your wife to attend culturally-sensitive marriage counselling. The fact that your wife has had an affair, even if once, signals that there exist deep emotional, spiritual and perhaps physical rifts within your marriage.
Do you want to stay married? Or do you feel that you cannot forgive your wife?
It is possible for your marriage to grow and heal from this. It is also possible that your marriage cannot survive this. This depends on both you and your wife. It will take great courage, forgiveness, and compassion for you to forgive her and move past her affair.
If handled well, this experience can be transformational, for both you, and a means of attaining higher ranks in Jannah.
Please perform the Prayer of Guidance about how to move forward from here. Watch what Allah unfolds for you.
Again, I urge you to speak to a culturally-sensitive marriage counsellor. Whatever path you choose, do your utmost to exercise restraint, patience, and good character, especially towards your wife. Nothing of your sacrifice is lost with Allah.
May Allah reward you for striving to do what pleases Him, even in the midst of your heartache.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.