Answered by Ustadh Salman Younas
Question: Assalam aleykum
I am a Muslim women and I pray and fast. I am in a relationship with a Christian man who is willing to convert because he thinks all religions are the same. I fear that his background isn’t similar to mine. He is a man of honor, his mom is a spiritual christian, almost all his friends are. Even if he converted for us to marry it is very confusing and upsetting. What should I do?
Answer: assalamu alaykum
It seems that in a way you may know the answer to your own question. Clearly, the man you are thinking of marrying is not serious about Islam as a guiding faith but merely as a way to marry you. As someone who takes her faith seriously, it is inevitable that you will run into serious problems by marrying someone who does not view Islam in the same light as you do.
You need to give priority to your religion over a temporary worldly relationship that might undermine your beliefs and practice. This relationship will only last a finite amount of time, while the next world is never ending. When given a choice between the two, a believer chooses the latter and does not compromise his religious beliefs for fleeting worldly pleasures and desires.
In the moment, this might seem like an extremely agonizing decision. However, this is the worldly test that all of us must go through. Remember the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him), “Verily, you will never leave something for God except He will replace it with something better.” [Musnad Ahmad] Similarly, the Quran states, “And whosoever fears God, He will make for them a way out.” (65:2)
Marriage is a serious matter. It is deciding on who you wish to spend the rest of your life with, who you wish to have a family with, someone who you want to be your spiritual support, and so forth. You should choose someone who is compatible with your religious background and supportive of your religious practice.
In light of this, I would advise you that as things stand, you should move on from this relationship. It might seem difficult and painful but eventually you will get past it. Pray to God for the good of this world and the next, trust in Him, and remember that we all live for something greater than this world.
[Ustadh] Salman Younas
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadh Salman Younas graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Political Science and Religious Studies. After studying the Islamic sciences online and with local scholars in New York, Ustadh Salman moved to Amman where he spent five years studying Islamic law, legal methodology, belief, hadith methodology, logic, Arabic, and tafsir. He is currently a PhD candidate at the University of Oxford and continues his traditional studies with scholars in the United Kingdom.