Is it an Obligation to Attend a Walima (Wedding Feast)?


Question: My cousin has invited me to his walima in another city. I have a car but I will have to stay the night there as it is about six hours there and six hours back. Am I obliged to attend? Are there any other excuses from attending?

Answer: Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

No, you would not be obliged to attend a wedding feast (walima) which is considered far by customary standards, or that which entails some level of hardship in attendance.

The general ruling with respect to attending a wedding feast is that it is an emphasised sunna. Some of the jurists deemed accepting such invitations to be necessary (wajib), yet that would seem to be either (a) a stricter position given the prophetic command, or (b) a form of strong emphasis of the sunna, namely, that it is close to being necessary.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When you are invited to a wedding feast, you must go to it.” [Bukhari] And he (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “The worst food is that of a wedding feast to which the rich are invited while the poor are left out. If anyone rejects an invitation, he has disobeyed Allah and His Messenger, Allah bless him and give him peace.” [ibid.]

But note this only applies in the case that the invitee is not aware of the presence of any wrong (munkar) which will be taking place at the event, such as impermissible music, alcohol and the like. If he knows that there will be sinful activity, he would not go, unless they will stop the impermissible whilst he is there out of respect for him.

If he didn’t know about the presence of the impermissible beforehand, he would attend, but step away, tactfully, if others will justify being there because of him. This is on condition that he is unable to stop or prevent the sinful activity according to the principles of forbidding evil. [See: The Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil]

On the other hand, if he is not a person by whom others will justify their own presence at such an event, and as long as the wrong isn’t taking place in his immediate vicinity, or table, it would be permitted to stay and eat before leaving; but he would dislike the impermissible in his heart, for the sake of Allah Most High.

Thus it is a sunna to respond to the invitation when the event will be free from any wrongdoing, and not necessarily otherwise, and certainly not unconditionally.

Permissible Excuses for Non-Attendance

Moreover, the sunna is to attend when the invitation is to a location which is at a customarily acceptable distance from the guest. If it is further than that, such as in your case, it would not be disliked to skip the event. Other excuses would include being genuinely unable to attend due to other commitments, sickness, undue hardship in reaching the event, or if the invitation is by one who is openly engrossed in sinful activity, or by one hosting in an extravagant or haughty manner. Further, it is also from the proper manners of the host that he refrain from inviting those who are likely to find attending difficult for one reason or another.

Again, you need to use some wisdom here because there is a difference between a distant and immediate relative, and a close friend and an acquaintance or neighbour. Note that there would appear to be some level of disparity in the degree of emphasis given to each of the above. Couple this with the fact that weddings are often emotional occasions, and acting without tact, or even consultation, can cause hurt feelings or even worse.

In any case, the sunna entails having excellence with the person or family, yet without contravening the Sacred Law. Hence, when the event may be problematic, consider showing up early, giving a gift, wishing the family well, and then leaving with discretion before the event takes a turn for the worse.

Don’t forget that this is an opportunity to fulfil a necessary act (wajib), namely, keeping up familial ties (silat al-rahim), or giving a good impression of religious believers, but do so without comprising your state of obedience and godfearingness (taqwa). It may be useful to pray the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah) before setting out, asking Allah Most High for facilitation in seeking His Pleasure. [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?]

[Khadimi, Bariqa Mahmudiyya Sharh al-Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya (4.131-132); Nabulsi, al-Hadiqa al-Nadiyya Sharh al-Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya (2.513-515); Nahlawi, al-Durar al-Mubaha fi al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha (17); Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar ‘ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar (5.221-222)]

Please also see: The Fiqh of the Marriage Feast (Walima) and:
Questions Related to Having the Walima After Consumating Marriage and:
When Should the Wedding Feast (Walima) Be Done? and:
Can You Separate the Nikah and Walima? [Video]

And Allah Most High alone knows best.

Wasalam,

Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorised the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.